Dane's humor house (this web page is updated every week with new pics and jokes also this web page was created 6/8/99) | |||||||||||||||||
| Little Johnny and an Obese Lady | |||||||||||||||||
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Lil' Johnny's mother took her 6 year old son with her to the bank. They were in line behind a rather obese lady. As the mother patiently waited, Lil' Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, "Hey, Mom, she's really fat." The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile. Lil' Johnny received a reprimand. After a minute or two, Lil' Johnny spread his hands as far as they will go and loudly said, "I bet her butt is 'that' wide." At this the lady glared at Johnny. His embarrassed mother severely scolds her son. Again after a couple of minutes Lil' Johnny stated loudly, "Look how the fat hangs over her belt." The lady turned and told Johnny's mother to control her child and so his mother threatened him with severe bodily harm. The lady's pager begins to go off. Lil' Johnny yelled in a panic at the top of his voice, "Run for your life, she's backing up" | ||||||||||||||||
| An Embarrasing Problem | |||||||||||||||||
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An old woman goes to the doctors and confesses to an embarrasing problem. "I fart all the time doctor, but they're soundless and they have no odour." "In fact since I've been here I've farted no less than twenty times." "What can I do?" "Here's a prescription, Mrs harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week." The next week an upset Mrs Harris marched into the doctors office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I still fart just as much but now they smell terrible!" "What do you have to say for yourself?" "Calm down, Mrs Harris " said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing." | ||||||||||||||||
| Seatbelt Competition | |||||||||||||||||
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A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman. "Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered. "Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car." At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?" | ||||||||||||||||
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